Moses and Jesus

My mom sent this email to me, I thought it was quite amusing! Enjoy!

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and a voice in the dark said, "Jesus is watching you". He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. After a bit, he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you". Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you". The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh, who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "The same people who would name a Rottweiler, Jesus."

Yay for Mommies!

I am sooooo (uber) excited that my Mom is in Provo this weekend. Although I feel bad (kind of but not really) for the rest of my family who has to survive mom-less while she is here playing with me. I don't think I would be so excited if anyone else were to come and visit. (well besides my dad, but I cant have both because if left to my siblings, our house in vegas would implode) I have decided that having parents when you are "grown up" is much better than when you are growing up because then not only are they your parents (and still willing to catch you when you fall) but you are also able to have a real friendship, because you are on a more equal standing.

Other GOOD things about being grown up (but not yet an "ADULT"): 

Sexy shoes (whoever heard of 5 in stilettos for 12 year olds?) 

Parents

Living with friends

Freedom

No curfew (not that I ever really had one anyway...I'm the favorite) 

Spontaneous road trips

Not so good things:

Responsibility

Work

Bills

Acting grown up (except when off-roading with Chris and Jan)

Responsibility

Unusual Home Remedies

A friend sent this to me.

I think these will work.

1.  Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else  to hold the vegetables while you chop.

2.  To avoid arguments with  your wife about lifting the toilet seat, use the  sink.

3.  For high  blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a  few minutes, thus  reducing the pressure on your veins.  Remember to

use a  timer.

4.   A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling  over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5.  If  you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll  be afraid to  cough.

6.  You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape.   If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct  tape.  (works for babysitting too...)

7.  If you can't  fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Daily thought:  some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything,  but they bring a  smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

Breaking Dawn

So I have a small confession to make. I am way excited for the fourth installment of the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn, which comes out August 2nd. I know they are very adolescent and the characters are about as deep as a fish bowl, but I still enjoy them. I think the main reason that I like them is that I don't have to think as I read, (unlike "Waterland" by Graham Swift which while good, is still giving me headaches.) and that is a very rare occurrence for a college student studying English.  

I have herd all of the anti-Edward/Bella protests and understand where they are coming from. But as long as I don't expect my boyfriends to be "vegetarian" tall, dark handsome and semi-sullen, then I can see no reason why I should not enjoy my fluff. 

Ouch

So, as you probably know, my little brother Spencer rolled (yes rolled) the black jeep on Saturday. And fortunately it didn't just tip over (because then they would have had to tip it back over and with three teen-aged boys that might have posed a small problem) it rolled all of the way over and landed back on its wheels. AND it was still drivable. Try that in your little Smart Car. While I had it in Provo, I complained quite profusely about its horrendous gas mileage, I take it all back. If I were to roll a car (or get in any sort of wreck) that would definitely be the one that I would want to be in when it happened. Luckily all of the windows were down and the boys had their seat belts on, so no one was hurt. (or even scraped up) They were pretty lucky. 

Dishes

I have a vendetta against those who don't do their own dishes. I came home on Saturday afternoon to find our sink full  of dishes (none of which were mine) and the dishwasher was clearly marked dirty, all they had to do is place them in the racks, but apparently that is a bit too much to ask. So... not wanting a dirty kitchen I loaded the dishwasher and started it. Later I came down and put away the now clean dishes. Yay for a clean kitchen! But imagine my annoyance at coming down to the kitchen on Sunday morning to find more dishes in the sink! The washer is EMPTY and obviously ready to receive their dirty dishes, but no. Grrrrrr. Wow am I ready to have clean roommates who know how to do their own dishes! (A small side note, DeAnne was out of town, so it cant be her.) (another side note... if you are wondering... yes I did do their dishes again.)

Pick a Logo

So, I was bored at work today (big surprise) and thought I would mess around with logos for the Design/Publishing company that I will someday own. (or not) I started working on some for the floral shop that Leslie, Brittany and I will have, but none of them are quite done yet!